Defensive Communication
According to Zastrow and Hessenauer (2019), our perceptions determine how we interpret the messages we receive during communication. There are
several factors that can affect our perception, including defense mechanisms, which are socio-psychological factors that can influence what we perceive
and, in many cases, derail effective communication.
Before you write your initial discussion post, you should first review Chapter 5, Sections 2 and 3 in the textbook and review the defense mechanisms video.
For this forum, consider the following examples of defensiveness. Pick two of these examples and identify the defense mechanism at work, explain your
reasoning, then use Gibb's analysis of defensive communication to explain how the defensiveness might be overcome.
A spouse refuses to speak to their partner because the partner was late for dinner and did not call.
A student tells their professor that it is the professor's "fault" that they are on academic probation, which will "ruin their life."
A parent tells her teen not to binge drink and the teen yells, "Who are you to judge me? You did the same thing when you were my age!"
An employer tells a recent college graduate that they know more because they went to the "school of hard knocks," and "you think you're better than the rest
of us—well, I've got news for you—you're not! I've forgotten more than you will ever know about this business!"
A client in treatment for alcohol dependence tells the therapist that they got drunk because they were at a party and they "had to drink to fit in." The client
goes on to say, "One or two drinks isn't going to kill me, so stop overreacting!!"
Your initial post should be at least 200 words, and you should provide a complete reference for each source you cited.
Sample Solution
The first example of defensiveness is the spouse who refuses to speak to their partner because they were late for dinner and did not call. This could be an example of a defense mechanism called
projection, where one person projects their own feelings onto another person in order to avoid taking responsibility or dealing with issues that make them uncomfortable. In this case, the spouse may be feeling neglected and disrespected by their partner's lateness and lack of communication, but instead of expressing these emotions directly, they are projecting them onto their partner by refusing to speak.
In order to overcome this type of defensive behavior, Gibbs (2003) suggests addressing the underlying issues behind the defensiveness. For instance, it would be beneficial for both individuals in this situation to discuss what led up to this incident so that each can understand why the other was feeling upset in the first place and how those feelings might have been misinterpreted as unkindness on either part. Additionally, it is important for both parties involved to maintain respect throughout any conversations that take place while also communicating clearly what each individual needs from one another in terms of discussing sensitive topics like lateness or lack of communication.
The second example is a student telling a professor that it is his/her fault that they are on academic probation which will “ruin” their life. This could be an example of displacement which occurs when someone redirects negative emotions away from themselves onto somebody else who cannot retaliate due to power dynamics or other factors like age or authority roles (Zastrow & Hessenauer 2019). In this case, rather than looking at personal shortcomings such as poor time management or performance during exams which could have led up to being placed on academic probation; instead the student displaced those negative emotions onto their professor suggesting he/she was responsible even though there may not have been anything wrong on behalf of either party prior leading up to being placed on probationary academic status.
To combat such defensive behaviors Gibbs (2003) suggests using mild confrontation as well as active listening skills while reminding oneself not become defensive themselves when hearing out something potentially threatening particularly when there appears likely no personal responsibility held by either party alike. It would also benefit both parties involved if they can express empathy with one another through validating each others’ experiences without necessarily agreeing with all points made; allowing an understanding between two people regarding how events unfolded despite any difference in opinion about matters discussed therein potential resolution thereof (Gibbs 2003).
References:
Gibbs JT Jr., 2003 "How To Overcome Defensiveness During Conflict," Harvard Business Review [online]. Available from https://hbr.org/2003/11/how-to-overcome-defensiveness-during-conflict [Accessed October 10th 2020]
Zastrow C., Hessenauer M., 2019 Understanding Human Behavior and The Social Environment 11th Edition Cengage Learning Boston MA