Email Revision

Email Revision Order Description This first paper will expect the student to revise a poorly written (and, where appropriate, redacted/altered) email, one that was actually recently written within a medium sized company. Students will be expected to apply the skills conveyed through lecture and the assigned texts to revise and rewrite, within a certain set of parameters, the email that is under consideration. Lecture, discussion, UWP writing sessions (mandatory), and the Lanham will be particularly germane to this assignment. Decide what ideas you think are most important to include in the letter, and then decide which ideas are best to omit. Rely heavily on the Paramedic Method, Sentence Shapes, Voices of Authority, and the Economics of Attention. In other words, consider the Lanham carefully as you reconstruct what you believe to be the most essential parts of the letter. You need not, nor should you, retain all parts of the letter; in other words, use your best judgment -- that is, evaluation -- to cut anything you feel is superfluous or even harmful in the communication event. Required : at least 250 words Email: Subject Heading for Email: Items that Must Be Considered at the Next Meeting In regards to our meeting, I know you want to meet on Monday, October 20th. That day is really bad. I’m afraid I’m very busy, and I’m sure you are to so let’s find another day. I have a number of reports that are due on the 20th, and I need to fulfill my responsibilities regarding those reports. Simply put, I can meet on the 22nd, so let’s make that the date if you are OK with it. When we meet, I would like to discuss some problems at Tech Shield. Here are some ideas we could discuss: 1) We are not paid enough because of all the budget strain and the expenses we incur 2) We never get to wear Hawaiian shirts 3) There is a gender imbalance in the work force 4) Promotions have been based on nepotism 5) The company requires us to work well above fifty (50) hours a week. 6) There is no opportunity for advancement 7) I am frequently asked to work on short notice 8) I am expected to travel every other week (and this everyone thinks is unnecessary) We have done really well this year, and I think discussing these ideas could further help the company. We managed to curb expenses at Tech-Shield by installing auto- sensors for the lights, encouraging ride-sharing programs, and introducing a day care to help address the expectation of longer hours. These ideas really worked. But wait, I have more ideas to address the problems (see numbered problems above). We should stop hiring relatives (like the current CEO’s nephew) and I think Fridays should be casual days. Scheduling is always a challenge, but perhaps meetings that coordinate travel expectations and additional hours might benefit all and eliminate miscommunication. We could have flex weeks -- something you may not have considered. Instead of fifty hour weeks, we could have employees alternate hours for each week. Some employees who had more time on a particular week could work more hours on that particular week and then work less on the following week. Everybody wins and nobody loses. We could add more employees -- like a lot more employees. We could inform all of the employees about the daycare facilities and promote them. We already have these facilities, so there would be only a negligible affect on the budget. We could be more efficient by not training people to do new jobs.