Consider the three or four most influential people in your life. These should be individuals who have helped shape your values, personal goals, and education. Place the name of each of a separate column at the top of a page. Now, under each individuals name, indicate specific things you can remember them doing when faced with a conflict, whether within themselves( as in making a choice between two difficult alternatives) or in response to a conflict with another person or at work. Note what about their approach to conflict management tends to work for them ( listening carefully) and not work (losing their temper, becoming stubborn) for them.
Now turn the page over and place your name at the top. Write down the characteristics of your own approach to conflict management that tend to be effective and those that do not. Imagine how others might describe you in this regard. Which of your three significant others most influenced you? Since we are never formally taught skills in this important area, this bit of informal analysis should help you considerably in understanding your own conflict response patterns and capabilities. Equally important, this brief investigation should reveal where you learned the attitudes that you carry into conflict situations. As you continue reading this chapter, keep the analysis handy;it’s can be a source of ongoing understanding and personal insight.