This is an online discussion in which you are required to participate. It is an opportunity for you to learn something about your ability to observe and interpret non-verbal behaviour.
You are expected to contribute an original post directly related to the questions which follow, plus reply to the posts of others (minimum of three) in the class, during the period when the discussion is open. Think of this as a classroom where everyone has an opportunity to participate. Instead of putting up your hand, you make a comment.
Keep your replies positive and encouraging. Review the section on Netiquette in the Course Overview for some further guidelines for your participation.
Instructions:
- Original Posts:
Go to a public place such as a coffee shop, restaurant, or park. Without being obvious, observe two people who are involved in a conversation, but whom you cannot hear. Note their behaviours, and think about what they might mean. Watch them for 10 or 15 minutes. Be sure to be discreet, though; it can be a bit embarrassing to be caught at this. Then write a post about where you were, who you saw, and their behaviours (what they did). Be as specific and detailed as you can. Incorporate some of the concepts of the non-verbals discussed in module 3. You might think about what their behaviours meant, but don’t write anything at this point. Could you determine their emotions from observing their non-verbals? Was the interaction positive or negative based upon their observed behaviours? Considering only the non-verbals you witnessed, what might have been their relationship (friends, relatives, intimate partners) and explain why you believe this? - Explain why you think it is important for public safety officers to be aware of non-verbal behaviour on the part of others.
- Replies: In your replies to others, suggest possible interpretations for the behaviours described. In other words, what might they mean.
- Once someone has commented on your original post, you can add your own comments about what you think might have been going on.
It is important for you to review the grading rubric to determine how marks are awarded for this discussion. Go to the gear icon in the top right of the page to view the rubric.
This discussion is designed to help you expand your understanding of how much information is communicated non-verbally. It is a great way to continue your study of this important aspect of communication.
Module 3
Non-Verbal Communication: A Definition
Non-verbal communication is any behaviour other than verbal communication.
A more detailed definition is that non-verbal communication consists of all behaviour expressed consciously or unconsciously, carried out in the presence of others and perceived either consciously or unconsciously. The definition implies that we can exhibit behaviour about our thoughts and feelings, either consciously or unconsciously, and that these messages are received by another, consciously or unconsciously. Estimates vary, but it seems clear that non-verbal communication makes up anywhere from 85% to 97% of our total communication.
In honest, open, and effective interpersonal communication, the non-verbal communication that accompanies the verbal messages are in sync with each other. The term for this is congruency. If verbal and non-verbal communication do not match, they are incongruent.
Take a Moment to Reflect
Classify each of the five statements that follow as congruent or incongruent.
- In answer to a statement you have made, your brother says, “I agree with you,” while shaking his head. Conguent/incongruent
- Your best friend is telling you about the recent death of his dog. As he does so, you can see tears welling up in his eyes. Congruent/incongruent
- After a day of skiing, your friend complains over drinks about how sore his legs are, and how he can barely stand up. An hour later you see him out on the dance floor. Congruent/incongruent
- “I promised to have your bike back by 4:00 p.m., and I will,” your friend says. At 3:55 p.m., there he is at the door with your bike. Congruent/incongruent
- In answer to a statement you have made, your brother says, “I agree with you,” while nodding his head. Congruent/incongruent
Even though the examples above are quite obvious, you can sense from them how uncomfortable incongruent non-verbal behaviour can feel. Often the incongruencies are much less obvious. Skilled public safety professionals often develop a 6th sense about incongruity; it comes with practice and intentional observation and is something to strive for.
It is important to remember that one cannot not communicate. People are always “giving off” messages and our non-verbal behaviour is an important element of effective interpersonal communication.
Did you get them all? Good for you!
Try this experiment. Say the words “Yes, you are right” while shaking your head. It’s not easy to do consciously, is it? This means that when you are interviewing or conversing with someone, and you notice non-verbal signs that are not congruent with what the person is saying, you know you are getting the person’s real feelings, even though they are not aware of them. Non-verbal behaviours never lie.
Non-Verbal Communication Sub-Systems
Non-verbal communication can be broken down into five sets or sub-systems:
• Context
• Kinesics
• Proxemics
• Paralanguage
• Related factors
Explore these sub-systems in greater detail using the graphic that follows as a guide.
Sub-System Definition Additional Comments
Context The situation in which an interaction occurs. • the situation affects how communication is structured (think library vs. bar)
• response to call for service may be different than response to crime
Kinesics body language, or body movement, including gestures, facial expressions, eye contact, and posture Public safety personnel should be aware that a person’s affective state (feelings), attitude, and even professional demeanor are communicated through facial expression and other kinesics
Proxemics The interpersonal distance or “space bubble” that surrounds each person. In western societies, here are the norms:
• public distance – 6 to 12 feet
• social distance – 3 to 6 feet
• personal distance – 1.5 – 3 feet
• intimate distance – less than 1.5 feet
Through mindful use of proxemics you can give them space to reduce tension, or move towards them to move them around.
Paralanguage The characteristics of our speech other than the words we use Paralanguage includes:
• tone of voice
• pitch (high or low)
• volume
Other Factors Appearance and Dress The clothing you or others wear may suggest something about you in terms of age, occupation, gender, status, ethnicity, and personality
Have some fun with the discussion that follows, then complete the Check Your Knowledge to make sure you understand the concepts discussed in this module. The Summary, of course, will lead you into the next module—The Crisis Response.
A Note About Passive–Aggressive Behaviour
While not a psychological classification for behaviours, the term passive–aggressive is in common usage. It refers to someone who appears or pretends to be passive on the surface, but who is actually quite aggressive and destructive behind the scenes. It’s akin to George Thompson’s “wimp” classification in Verbal Judo.
Such people can be saboteurs, cooperative on the surface while surreptitiously destroying relationships and your best laid plans. There is someone who fits this description in every workplace, it seems, and you will undoubtedly encounter people who fit this description in your work as a public safety officer.
Learn to identify them and to call them out—assertively, of course. The following brief video will assist you in doing both.
Empathy
George Thompson devotes an entire chapter of Verbal Judo (2013, pp. 53–59) to empathy, which is, he writes, “…the most powerful concept in the English language.” Here’s his point: you can have all the knowledge in the world and be the most skilled of public safety officers, and carry the most authority; but if you do not have the ability to empathize with the people you encounter in the course of your duties, you will never reach your maximum effectiveness. You don’t need to have had the same experience as someone else to be empathetic; you just need to be able to get where they are at—to see the world as they see it.
Take a Moment to Reflect
If you were truly empathetic, how would the person you are communicating with know? How would you know?
“To empathize,” says Thompson, “…is to see through the eyes of another.” It is “…the quality of standing in another’s shoes and understanding where he’s coming from”. Empathy “…absorbs tension. It works every time.”
High praise for a single word or concept. Here is some more information about the meaning of empathy, arguably the most crucial skill in Verbal Judo.
• It does not mean that you have to sympathize, love, or even like somebody; you do not have to approve or even agree with them.
• It means to understand—to see through the eyes of another.
• It works because it absorbs tension.
• If you take a moment to think as another might be thinking, then speak with his/her perspective in mind, you are moving towards rapport.
And rapport, as you know, is critical in developing relationships with people so that you can help and guide them.
It is important not to judge or evaluate the experience that the person is explaining. That’s how empathy differs from sympathy; the two terms are not interchangeable since sympathy contains an element of judgement. The difference is illustrated by the following metaphor.
• Sympathy – While out for a walk you encounter someone who has fallen into a deep hole. You look into the hole and you say: “Oh, boy, you are in a lot of trouble. That’s really too bad. I’m so sorry.” And you walk on.
• Empathy – While out for a walk, you encounter someone who has fallen into a deep hole. You find a safe way down into the hole, and you say: “Oh, boy, this is a deep hole. Let’s see if we can find a way out of it.”
Empathy leads to rapport, a sense of being connected with another person. Sympathy is not appropriate in crisis intervention or problem-solving situations since the element of judgment will raise the hackles of many people. (Note that expressions of sympathy are entirely appropriate when talking to someone about a loss in their family. In expressing sympathy you are simply acknowledging their experience without trying to put yourself in their place. Sympathy is expressed; empathy is felt.)
How do we communicate empathy? By what we say, and more importantly, by what we do.
The Importance of Empathy in Public Safety Work
Empathy is one of the most important qualities required of you as a public safety professional. This is because it leads to rapport, an “empathetic and harmonious interconnection with another person” (Shebib, 2003). Everyone wants to be understood, and understanding is crucial if you expect to guide others in the resolution of their problems.
Common phrases used to describe empathy include:
• “seeing things through the eyes of another”
• “putting yourself in someone else’s shoes”
Effective public safety officers know that empathy helps to calm fears, regain hope, and gain control over situations. Through empathy, they are able to
• Convey understanding
• Absorb tension
• Cause the other person to feel understood and supported
• Encourage others to share their experience
• Create a connection between themselves and others
• All of these are a direct result of rapport created through empathy. And once rapport is established, a context is established within which the person in crisis is willing to problem solve, listen to guidance or direction, or accept help. Empathy communicates to the person that you understand their feelings at both the conscious and unconscious level. In other words, rapport leads to mutual trust.
• The use of empathy can help absorb tension and build rapport (the “empathetic and harmonious connection”) that will enable you to guide and direct others towards a particular course of action. Remember that the goal of crisis intervention is to assist crisis victims to return to their pre-crisis levels of functioning and to seek avenues for positive change.
• Connect, then direct.
• First, though, a cautionary note about self-disclosure.
Self-Disclosure – A Caution
Self-disclosure is one way of creating empathy with another person, but public safety workers who lack self-awareness may tend to disclose more information to clients or the public than is wise. The danger of disclosing personal information is probably greater here than in other fields of human services.
The simple answer, often stated, is that public safety officials should NEVER disclose anything personal to the public, and particularly not to offenders. However, life is seldom so black and white—for one thing, if you live in a small town where you are policing, you have no secrets—and there may be occasions when it is appropriate to share something—feelings, thoughts, or ideas.
Adler and Towne (1996, pp. 357-359) suggest the following questions as guidelines in determining whether disclosing something about yourself is reasonable or safe.
• Is the other person important to you?
• Is the risk of disclosing reasonable?
• Are the amount and type of disclosure appropriate?
• Is the disclosure relevant to the situation at hand?
• Is the disclosure reciprocated?
• Will the effect be constructive?
• Is the self-disclosure clear and understandable?
Of course, if you are experiencing stress or burnout, self-disclosure may be exactly what you need to do. But you must choose wisely to whom you disclose. See Module 9 for more information.
Back to empathy…
Creating Empathy – A Personal Exercise
There is always room for learning when it comes to empathy. One way to practice empathy is to begin with yourself. As discussed in an earlier module, your ability to understand others evolves from your ability to understand yourself.
Take a few minutes now to try the following exercise. There is no need to submit anything, though you may benefit from writing the answers down.
Here are some tips for this exercise:
- Allow yourself to be curious and open-minded
o Listen as if your only job is to understand.
o Listen without preconception. Allow yourself to know that you know nothing. Everything you need to learn you will be learning right now.
o Free yourself from trying to create consistency between your feelings/perceptions and what you think you should feel. - Strive for objectivity—allow yourself to listen as if you are not personally responsible for the content.
o Listen as though the narrative is not about you if you need help controlling your defensiveness or your guardedness.
o Notice your bias and choose to not let it control your actions (see rules below). - Be vulnerable and accepting of your body’s natural response.
Creating Empathy – The Exercise
Think of a difficult time that you experienced and answer the following questions related to your own perception and the resulting emotional experience.
Questions:
• What was your perception of the occurrence?
• What was troubling about this occurrence?
• What were the emotions that you felt at the time of the occurrence?
• What emotions do you feel in this moment?
• What do you need from yourself now (which is often just to be empathetic)?
How was that for you? What did you learn from this experience? Do you think it enhanced your awareness of empathy and your ability to empathize with others?